I really liked your audio Jazzalette. It was short, concise, easy to follow and very attractive. I think the elements of sound were there, the beginning and ending were executed very good.
This piece is short but the message and the art were encapsulated. The good thing is it does not take long for the audio to make the connection. Right from the start the message and the plan comes clear. I really liked the “Stop” FX in the middle. It gave a good arc to your audio.
The audio I guess goes very well with the video. It has a good connection all in place just to be a good completing part of a picture. For this purpose I think you might need some arrows to guide. Have you tried some additional FX sounds? It will probably boost your message and connects much better with listener.
When I see your video, you have all the right elements there: the act, the walk, the body language and specially the Queen on your necklace and the image effects speaks very well in your video but I think if you give a critical listening to your audio track, I am sure you could add some little pieces and make it to whole different level.
I believe you have done a very good job. There are two things that might really revive your audio. Have you tried different effects to the narration on Adobe Audition? It does wonders to your sound and it might really give you good levels to play with your editing and mixing. The other thing I would do is the ending FX sound for Stop. You use it in the middle of your audio and again it comes at the end. It might not be a bad idea to change the ending with a door shot sound, or bringing down a curtain or running sound or a ascending sound. These small steps might help your audio track to get into a more sophisticated message and you can even give a plane like Ascend-Descend approach. I think with a bit playing with FX sounds, you might get an audio with independent identity from your video.